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COVID vs Covid: Mr. X tells us why masks really do work!

In an incredible development, Mr. X, a character from my new novel January 6th and the Millennial Horde (pictured here as he manipulates fabricated Democratic Congressman Jim Depich to unwittingly do his dirty work), gathered together the media to explain why masks, boosters, school closures, childhood vaccination, societal shut downs, censorship, executive over-reach, and a diminution of our democratic rights have led to the most effective COVID response in the world, even if the US had more Covid deaths and excess deaths than any other nation.

“Our success was well beyond our wildest expectations,” Mr. X explained. “Sure, we didn’t so great against Covid, but really who cares about that. Knocking out COVID, that’s been our dream for decades, and now that we’ve figured out how to do it, and given that we have the never-ending support of the most influential sector of the population, we don’t see any limits to what we can accomplish. Our COVID policy has been something we all in America can be proud of! Hell, soon we may even be like China, and you just can’t beat that.”

Mr. X confused a lot of people in the audience, until Rachel in the Meadow finally asked the one question that up until now had not been addressed but which was on everyone’s mind.

“Mr. X, you tell us that we have had the best COVID policy in the world and yet the highest deaths,” she said. “I have to tell you, sir, I don’t really know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Of course, Mr. X knew that he was sewing confusion and discord in the audience, but hell, isn’t that what it’s all about? Not the most ethical man in the world, and someone more than willing to sacrifice millions of lives and our democracy for a singular goal, Mr. X could at least be counted on to tell the truth. A more honest man on earth did not exist. As he told Congressman Depich on the fateful day pictured above: Truth, my passionate friend, may sound insane, even conspiratorial, but once you hear it you’re going to reject it and somehow think that your actions are more noble than they really are, and that’s when you're for us.

Mr. X smiled. “Well, all of you people in the media, you’re so focused on Covid that you don’t understand that you’ve really been helping us to stamp out COVID. I mean take masks. You have to be somewhat brain dead, hypnotized, or a programmed robot to think that masks of any form help Covid. We knew this before the virus even hit our shores; hell, they studied it with flu, which is a bigger virus, and it did nothing to stop that. I mean, shit, your precious N95 has holes that 300 Covid particles can slip through without any effort. And during the two years of the virus, every study, every experience, has shown us beyond the shadow of a doubt that masks don’t protect the wearer, slow spread, cut the risk of death or sickness, or pretty much do anything. Hell, it was kind of funny watching Smart Tony and the Science President tell the world that they have to all wear masks and continue mask mandates if they want to stop Covid, even as both of them got Covid through masks. But they’re not as dumb as they sound. They both know that masks are very effective against COVID. And that’s what they were talking about! Only a schmuck whose brain is stuck in his ass would think masks help with Covid, but with COVID, masks have been the most effective of all our measures!”

The room dropped into a cacophonous buzzing as Mr. X smiled and scanned the crowd. Finally, Jake the Tap Dancer chimed in. As usual his question was both insightful and laced with his meticulous research.

“Like, what?” he asked with his signature twisted mouth.

Mr. X put up his hands in disbelief, his Santa Clause visage laughing deep and hard. “I mean, you all know, right? You people who are our Goebbels, you must have known, right? All that stuff you spewed about masks and boosters and school closures, all those clown docs you had on TV, you had to know they were full of shit, right, that they were talking about COVID and not Covid, right? I mean, you do have researchers who look at studies and at what’s going on, you don’t just listen to what Smart Tony and his minions say, you aren’t that dumb, right? I mean, we could have stopped the virus that first Spring if we focused on the vulnerable, did some basic treatment, and left everyone alone. Hell, a little cheap treatment would have made the deaths barely countable, but as our doctors know—and I’m guessing they know this, or else everything they did would have been a gross violation of their Hippocratic oath—we were depriving people of treatment, spreading fear, shutting down the world, and letting the virus fester because we needed vaccine approval (which won’t occur if early treatment works, as you all well know) and we needed persistent fearmongering to reach fever pitch if we had a chance to stop COVID. When you kept telling us to stay shut down, that you wanted kids to stay out of school and turn to drugs and depression because they’re scared to death, when you applauded Governors who took away everyone’s freedom and choice, when you pushed experimental drugs and treatments even on our kids and told anyone who opposed them that they were anti-science goons, and all your crap you said day after day about masks, I mean, please tell me that you didn’t think all of that was to stop Covid. Please tell me you know that it was all about COVID, not Covid. I mean, if not, then the whole lot of you are war criminals, you’re the scum of the earth. So just tell me please.”

The room fell silent. Then Joe in the Morning spoke up. “Of course we knew. It was about COVID, not Covid. But for everyone out there, tell us again what the difference is. Covid is the worst virus ever to this the world. And COVID?”

“The worst virus, Joe in the Morning?” laughed Mr. X. “Even Smart Tony knows it’s not even the worst virus to hit us in recent memory! Hell we have shit flying around the world that’s more deadly on a daily basis, and all your shut downs and shit killed way more people than the virus. But Joe in the Morning, you of all people know you were fighting COVID, so why don’t you tell us the difference.”

Joe yawned. “I don’t want to sound like a braggart,” he said. “You tell us Mr. X.”

And so, he did. He told the group that COVID was an acronym for something that had plagued the world for far too long. It represented everything vile that impeded the ability of the rich and powerful to steer the world toward some form of control and normalcy, “the nuisance we thought we couldn’t lick, until all of you, and all your loyal audience, did it for us. In fact, I think within a year, COVID will be gone, and the path will be paved for us to do what we’ve been trying to do for eons, which is to have you all in our grasp (while thinking you are doing good and following science and crap like that) so we can create a world that is much more rigid and pliable than the democratic chaos we are dealing with now.”

Mr. X. wrote the letters C-O-V-I-D on a white board. “Each letter stands for some despicable trait that has blocked our march to success. And now, well, thanks to you, we got it licked!

C: Caring, Compassion, Critical thinking, Choice

O: Open-mindedness

V: very unselfish and giving

I: intelligent

D: democratic

“I hope you all see how dangerous COVID has been to us, and how all of you, and your liberal audience and every compliant American, have done so much in the past two years to defeat every letter of COVID, to knock out that plague for good. Take masks. When everyone wears them, it instills never-ending fear in the air. People are willing to trade their rights and freedoms for their life when there is fear, and as long as everyone is wearing masks, that fear will never go away. And masks divide people, pitting those who think they’re smarter and superior against those who don’t like to be told what to do. Masks show us who is with us and who’s against us. Those masks, wow, nothing helped us knock out COVID more than those! Thank you all for supporting them.”

The room remained quiet. Then Rachel in the Meadow raised her hand. “I mean, the vaccine and the boosters, you have to admit those helped Covid, saved trillions of lives.”

Mr. X. laughed. “You’re one smart chick, Rachel. So I’m sure you’ve read the work of Esposito on his immunization theory, and Agamben and his bio political writings. Sure, an experimental vaccine may help a couple people with Covid, but God knows how many people it harmed, especially the kids and young people who aren’t at all at risk of Covid and who you all forced to take that crap. And all of you have to know that these boosters aren’t effective against any Covid bugs; hell, the Science President and Smart Tony and a zillion others had the shots and got sicker than anyone, only made worse when they took that Paxovid. Still, as you must know, a society that pushes vaccines over and over, that mandates them, that says that anyone who doesn’t fall to the will of the state and have their body invaded lest everyone die, that society is easy for us to control. It’s a vaccinated society, and you all made that happen! Like Esposito tells us, when we create a threat, and then we offer a novel treatment it divides people into the smart and the dumb, the beneficent and the selfish, people stop caring about their liberties, their jobs, or about how kids and the poor are getting squashed. The very people whose very Zeitgeist is about helping the downtrodden and fighting big corporations now start praising the corporations, in this case the drug companies and all the agencies they finance, and stop caring about all the unfortunate souls on earth. Who says that immunizations don’t work? They are killing COVID, thanks to all of you!”

“Then you don’t think immunizations are helping kids?” asked the Tap Dancer.

“Of course they are!” Mr. X. proclaimed. “The masks, the closures, the vaccines, the control; all of that is helping kids never get COVID. Never ever. I mean, compared to the Hitler Youth, this has been a success beyond all expectations. We’ve put so much fear and scripted thinking into our kids’ little vulnerable heads that they’ll live their lives never questioning authority and thinking that all of us rich and powerful groups are the only things that stand between them and their demise. You think they’re going to care if their vote means anything? You think they’ll care if some poor people suffer across the world, or even in their back yard? You think they’ll doubt the CDC or any corporate entity? No way! We’ve completely eradicated COVID from our youth. I mean, guys, you got to be impressed.”

For a while no one said anything. And then Joe in the Morning tapped in. “Then, Mr. X, what you are telling us is that we’ve been the ones who kept America in line, we’re why COVID is gone? I mean, that’s pretty incredible. I for one am pretty self-impressed.”

“As you all should be!” said Mr. X. “COVID has been a plague destroying our dreams for so long! Liberals, my god, they were always dubious about everything we were trying to do, whining about big bad corporations and the rights of everyone and the poor. But now, they’re our best friends! I mean, what’s science and democracy and freedom and human interaction when we pit it against one’s life? And that’s what our war against COVID is all about. This war against COVID won’t ever go away, the fear and masks and shots and shut downs, those are with us forever. And all the pesky liberals, who are even wearing masks in the car and won’t go near someone not vaccinated, they’re sitting back and letting us play the whole county. It’s amazing. American exceptionalism. Thank you all. Now, I must take leave of you. After all, there’s a lot more work to do with Monkey Pox before it can help us in our war against COVID.”

At that, Mr. X exited left, as all the others walked out to the right. The world was all twisted, but now at least everyone understood. Misinformation pitted facts against truth with Covid, but with COVID, misinformation was a proven threat to truth. So what; Sweden has the lowest rate of excess death in the world by not wearing masks and not shutting down schools and society. So what? They did nothing to eradicate COVID. And in the end, they’ll fall prey to the battle against COVID too.

On that score, the United States is on top of the world!

Mr. X appears in my new novel, January 6th and the Millennial Horde. Buy it on Amazon, with an audible version due out soon. And check my website for reviews, details, and a sample chapter. It’s a book of the year nominee by The Magic Pen, and says the San Francisco Book Review: I couldn't get enough of the intricate, thrilling plot of January 6th and the Millennial Horde.... The book's characters are the type you love and hate at the same time, which reflects the sort of duality that exists in a situation involving bad deeds carried out by well-meaning people."

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